Brain Teaser 1

Okay a bit of time out, double click on the image, stare at the cross in the middle and explain where the purple dots go.

Big run and long shift

Two views of the drivers waiting room at Tescos Doncaster, noticed how it is decorated out to make it a pleasure to sit in. The two hours just flew by, i read last weeks paper twice and watched TV (but not listened as the sound was turned down) about somebody learning to windsurf. Bring back the days when we were allowed to stay in our trucks while we waited and we could climb on the bunk and have a nap.

These are the goods out bays at Princes in Bradford, not much room at the front to manoevre your back end on to a bay as Mr Innovate Driver is discovering. I think its a sheer drop on the other side of that fence, not that i want to find out...

Had quite a long day today, drove from Gloucester to Doncaster, delivered orange juice ( dont laugh its very heavy) and cottage cheese into the Tesco there where they kept me waiting for 2 hours. I then moseyed on over to Princes in Bradford to pick up 60 dollies or 25 tonnes of lemonade. I did ask the loader if diet lemonade was lighter than ordinary lemonade, he said no so that was the end of that little attempt at making a humourous conversation..... oh well i tried.

By the way stop sniggering, a dolly is a type of plastic pallet on wheels and not a little plastic figurine of a lady that you can dress up and put into exotic positions, not that i have ever done that either...... okay change the subject please.

VOSA Vehicle and Operator Services Agency

This is how they describe themselves on their website:

"The Vehicle and Operator Services Agency (VOSA) was formed on 1st April 2003 following the merger of the Vehicle Inspectorate and the Traffic Area Network division of the Department for Transport. VOSA provides a range of licensing, testing and enforcement services with the aim of improving the roadworthiness standards of vehicles ensuring the compliance of operators and drivers with road traffic legislation, and supporting the independent Traffic Commissioners."

What they really are, is a bunch of officials crammed into an expensive car at the tax payers expense, which is then painted in pretty colours and they drive up and down the motorways looking and feeling important. I have seen these people attending a breakdown, they insisted that the young couple stood in the cold well away from their car (for safety) while THEY sat in their nice warm vehicle which was parked behind the broken down one. THEY must have felt that THEY were safe because they had their little yellow lights flashing. These people must believe that they are "Real Policemen" because they have got big yellow jackets and radios, i wouldnt be surprised if the radios didnt work, they were just for show.

If you look carefully in the back of thier nice big expensive cars you will see that all they carry is sweeping brushes and traffic cones for cleaning up after wrecks, yes cleaning up. These people are nothing more than wombles, if you dont know what a womble is then please google it.

Anyway, the reason for my rant, i stopped off for a nap on the way back to the depot and the service station was infested with wombles. Picture the scene, a row of parked up trucks and the drivers trying to have a break (a legal necessity in our fine land of rules and regulations) and next thing you know theres a tap tap tap on your window and youve got a nasty dose of wombles climbing all over your truck looking for an excuse to slap a fine on you. I hate these creatures almost as much as caravans.

I know what youre thinking and no i didnt get get any fines as my truck and I are always are always on the ball, but i hate them anyway!!!

New Driver Identification Technology

okay I'm all for new technology but please lets keep it civil

Jam On The Motorway

Oh well back to work, got back to the depot a bit late because there was a jam on the motorway.

2 Days Off (The conclusion)

All in all a sucessful couple of days, managed to get the CV updated and did a bit more research for the move, and applied for a job. Woohoo things are starting to move now. i was so pleased with myself i decided to have a wee drinkie. Vodka, Extra dry Martini, tonic water and buckets of ice and drunk in a half pint glass....... what a fantastic drink, its my new bestest favourite. Not sure if theres a name for it but I'm open to suggestions.

2 days off

Wahey 2 days off and tons to do, gotta get my CV prepared and apply for a job in Canada, hopefully i should get interviews for when we come over in May. In the mean time ive got medicals, police reports, applications and all sorts of stuff to sort out, oh well here we go

Gizmo and the lipstick

Gizmo got hold of one of Jans lipsticks, thankfully it was just a phase he was going through and we all agreed that dark plum suited him better anyway.

*** NEWS FLASH ***

Apparently marajuana plants have been discovered growin in hedgerows around UK. Sheepdogs have been known to be eating these aforementioned plants, these reports are as yet unconfirmed.

My week (condensed) part deux

As well as keeping the wheels of the nations economy (well in regards to yoghurt & trifle) turning, yours truly has been plotting and scheming his escape from this land of rules, rain and traffic jams, not to mention caravans, i hate caravans with a passion but that is material for an other post.

Yes we are going to attempt to emigrate to the Great White North and we have decided to"up the ante" "move up a gear" "get our skates on" "stop arsing around"...........

What i am trying to say is we are bringing things forward, we are planning a recce trip to Calgary and Saskatoon in May and if all goes well move over before the Winter sets in.

By the way, when i say "We" thats not the royal "We" of course but the "My family and I" type "We". Yes there is myself of course, my darling wife Jan, my son, soon to be a teenager Luke.
And our hairy little shit machine Gizmo, he's a dog by the way not another child.

Well thats the team and were all eager to go......except Gizmo who doesnt really understand.......but he will........so, on with the Blog.

My week (condensed)

Ive been doing long runs all week except for today. Today i drove to Tesco in Didcot and delivered a load of processed meat then off down to a place called Evercreech (yes thats really what its called, google it if you dont believe me) to collect a trailer load of Tangerine trifles. I think they were Tescos ones but i didnt really notice. I had to stop for a break (rules bloody rules) on the way to Evercreech so i climbed on the bunk, pulled into a layby (or was it the other way around) and had a well deserved nap.

Nothing to report

Nothing much happened today, pretty much a routine run. Delivered into a Morrisons in Northwich and collected a load from the Nestle factory in Cuddington......
Nice easy run.

Overkill

Work this one out for yourselves

Out on the piss

All water used has to be Passed by the Management

Ssshhhhh.....its asleep

.....And trucks that fall asleep

Soft Verges

Watch out for Soft Verges

Crunch!!!

This is why we fit mirrors on trucks (and no i didnt do this)

Bad Parking

Oh yes and no parking in the ploughed field !!!

Oops

I think he may want to turn the heater down a little

Huge Straw Man

Coming up the M5, just above Bridgewater if i remember correctly. On the left hand side in the middle of a field is this huge figure.

Tickets Please

Same stretch of road, a bit further south.............

How would you feel if a train driver pulled up outside your house to ask for directions

No racing the canal boats

As you drive south down the A51 from Cuddington towards Crewe you pass through the village of Taporley where the canal runs along side the road. In the summer it gets very busy with holiday boaters but theres still plenty of activity in the winter months with the "Live aboards". Its a fantastic place to drive through.

Lots an Lots an Lots of cars

Driving over the bridge at Avonmouth in Bristol, if you have ever bought a new car in UK, chances are it started its life in Britain down there somewhere.

Advertising on Trailers

Couple of months ago most of our trailers were fitted with advertising posters, not sure its a good idea but time will tell

Couple of views of the inside

These are the bits i have to stare at all day / night.........

The Clocks



Centre Console

(the orange and silver dial is what we use

instead of a gearstick)



The new digital tachograph

Me & My Truck

As you can see this is a map of Southern UK, i am based at Brockworth in Gloucester which is nice and central for the locations we drive to and is well served by the M5 (M roads are motorways) going North to South and the M4 which goes East to West and the A417 and A40 which takes us East. If you follow the road going South East you come to the town of Swindon and thats where i live. Notice all the red dots all over the map, those are all the places we deliver to or colect from. Please double click on the image for a better view.

Size Does Matter
Another pic of the truck, notice the height of the trailer, 15 foot 4 inches high. Yes the 4 inches IS important, especially if the bridge you are going under is only 15 foot high.




Short Course in Logistics

there are quite a few of us out on the roads of UK, the trailer you can see is refrigerated and we normally collect chilled food direct from the factories (suppliers) and bring them to our home depot where they are sorted into locations then another truck will later take them onwards to the various National Distribution Centres (customers) of the major UK supermarkets. After the delivery is made the truck will usually go to another factory and collect another load which in turn is bought back to our home depot and the cycle goes on....and on.....and on.

That was your short course in logistics management, you can now go in to the transport organisation of your choice, present a printout of this post and demand a highly paid position of Transport Manager which comes complete with large salary, unrealistic expense account, and of course the obligatory "Gun Metal Grey" BMW 3 Series. Please ensure you leave your personality and any common sense or reason you have at reception.

Many Thanks, have a nice day now, missing you already.

This is what i drive and who i drive for, we have just had a new fleet delivered, they are almost identical to the old ones (pics further up the blog) except for they have body coloured bumpers (horray) and no front fog lights (Boo).

They are all Fully Automatic, although i do still have to be there.