What are Moon Pickles

Space Bananas first discovered by 3rd reich

Banana caught in solar flare giving appearance of yellow skin

Reference my last post about "Moon Pickles"

ah yes, i do know that normal pickles are called monkey pickles but these are not normal, they come from Houston, Texas. You know the place, they shoot people into space, let them float about a bit, then bring them back.

In the sixties they (allegedly) sent a big rocket up there and managed to hit the moon with one, the driver (One Neil Armstrong) fell asleep at the wheel and hit it.

After listening to his first excuse of "it just jumped out in front of me" was disregarded by NASA hierarchy as "just not good enough".

And his consequent second excuse "It was dark" failed to impress (trust me I know, ive tried that one too, read my last post about New Mexico).

It was decided that the only way to save face was to pretend that this was the plan all along and they called it the "Loonie Landing" as he was part Canadian on his fathers, cousins, next-door neighbours dogs side. After this title line was disproved after it was discovered that the dog was indeed adopted and the landing was renamed the "Lunar Landing", Lunar being something to do with the moon apparently.

So what's this got to do with Pickles I hear you ask, well dear reader its all about conspiracy theories and government cover-ups, and Patagonian sabre toothed fighting penguins.

Okay here is the real "Skinny".

That mission was really a top secret exploratory mission to look at the possibility of growing (and harvesting) the space bananas or "Moon Pickles" which would require some sort of re-useable space vehicle that could be sent up there and fetch them back. Why else would we need the space shuttles, indeed the origional name of this craft (the space banana shuttle) proves this theory which is why the name was shortened.

Has anyone ever heared the famous quote " Hoo-ston we have a problem"

This transcript was actually cut short and the rest of the tape destroyed to keep this clandestine operation secret. It was all to do with axle weights, the origional landing site for the Space Banana Shuttle (read Space Shuttle) was to be an airstrip complex between Port Hueneme and Ventura in California, running parallel with the SR-126 and hidden in the valley.

The "problem" in question was the Space shuttle design, on the rear under carriage it is a double bogey which n California DOT Law constitutes a tandem axle which means when it lands it can only have a 34,000 lbs axle weight, the front under carriage (steerable) is classed as a single steerable axle and is limited to 12,000 lbs.

The problem was scaling off in outer space with zero gravity was proving to be very inaccurate, in fact even with a full load the scale needle barely moved, however back down on earth it was a different matter, and the shuttle was not equipped with sliding rear bogeys, another problem was the landing speed which was a little over the 55 mph speed limit in California for Commercial Vehicles.

This is how the original transcript read:

"Breaker Break, Hoo-ston we dun got ourselves a problem here, the shits gonna hit the fan bro, ah flew in outta the big blue and as I skimmed the hill in Santa C there was a diesel bear in the sage grass an he shot me in the back, ahm hittin' triple dime not double dime and that bears got my picture for sure, for sure when my ass hits on the super slab the Christmas lights will come on, and ill get a ticket for sure.

Hell im not here for this shit, were hammer down and were gone, hee haw eat mah dust ya stinkin' smokey".

And Neil was gone……………………………………..

Well that was that, the end of the Santa Clarita project, as part of the cover up they built a Roller Coaster resort over the site (which is still there today) and all subsequent landings were made at a place called Freeport Texas which coincidently is located right next door to Hoo-ston Texas.

This brings me on to the present day operation, Neil kept his job but got 5 demerits on his licence and is still part of the "Pickle Crew" or as they are affectionately now known as "Picklenauts".

Each week the Picklenauts go up and collect the moon pickles, there are special zero gravity Space Chicken Coups that now weigh the loads correctly, first 2 skids on double, second on single and doubled to the doors. There's a space walk planned every 24 hours to check pulp temps and the hold steady at 59 degrees Frankenstein (Continuous Running).

The only difference now between moon pickles and monkey pickles is the color, monkey pickles (as I'm sure you are aware) are yellow and moon pickles are light blue.

The great North American Public would find light blue pickles unappetising so there is a Pickle Painting Plant on the I-36 just West of Freeport. This plant is manned by specially smuggled in Mexican Mountain People who are all rendered "mute" shortly after arriving in the country, this is an added security measure to keep this project secret, although I do have it on good authority that some of them are learning sign language.

They apply a special yellow dye individually to each pickle using brushes made from the nasal hairs plucked directly from a very special creature, the Patagonian sabre toothed fighting penguin, obtaining these hairs is a very dangerous job indeed and many Mexican Mountain People have lost limbs or even lives harvesting these bristles.

So what I am saying here is that the public is being lied to, the mere existence of moon pickles is being denied at government level, they want us to believe that our own yellow "Monkey Pickles" are the only pickles in the universe. It’s a well documented fact that all earth based pickle plants are in fact barren (Google it if you don’t believe me, and the only way earth pickles can be grown is by artificial cross fertilization, I think they use like little turkey basters…………………

But in any case, earths supply is not sustainable…………………………………………………………………..

By the way, does anyone out there think got too much time on my hands ????????????