Embarassment at the Mall (Joke)

I had to get some new trousers so off i went to the mall, now by the way i just want to point out how much i hate clothes shopping.

I went into a few shops and eventually found what i was looking for and headed to the dressing room to try them on.

Now i dont know about you but i hate those dressing rooms, its a tiny cubicle with a tiny flimsy curtain to protect your privacy. Well in i went and pulled the curtain, now no sooner had i removed my trousers and shoes (not in that order) than there was a voice from the cubicle next door, here's how the conversation went.

Next door: Hi, how are you

Me: Er Hi.......................

Next door: Hope your not busy i just wanted to chat.

Me: I beg your pardon.

Next door: Perhaps later we could go for a drink.

Me: I dont think so.

Next door: Id really like to get to know you.

Me: (In a loud voice and banging on the side door) Oi you bloody pervert, who the hell do you think you are, you had better get the hell out of here before i call the cops.

Next door: Look im sorry about this but i will call you back later, theres a lunatic next door hammering on the wall and screaming at me, speak to you later, bye.

Oh dear !!!!!

Racing back to Lethbridge

Well my load from Montreal was destined for Vancouver but i was only taking it back to Calgary then hopefully a quick trip down to Lethbridge for a couple of days off then its back out again.

I arrived in the French Canadian city about midday and went straight to the customer's warehouse where i was unloaded fairly promptly. Then i battled for about 45 minutes through the Montreal traffic to the H&R yard only to be told that there was no room for it. I made a quick call to H&R and was told to drop it at another holding yard about a mile away and at the same time got my next job, see paragraph above for details..................

The only trouble was the trailer was still on the other side of the city, i could either wait for a city driver to drop it or i could go get it myself. Well you can guess what i decided and after dropping the origional empty, i was away.

The trailer was already to go so it was just a case of checking it over, getting under it and heading East (oops sorry i meant West).

I didnt get too far that night and pulled in about Ottawa and pulled the curtains for the night. You see the problem was the weekly cycle again, i had only got 11 and a half hours work left each day so i had to plan my stops a bit more carefully.

The next 3 days were pretty unaventful, 90 km per hour thru Ontario then a bit faster the rest of the way. Didnt really see anyone or see anything interesting apart from one exellent supper i had and if remember correctly it was in Cochrane. I wasnt too hungry but i did need something sweet so i went for a bacon and cheese chowder followed by blueberry and cherry pie, all washed down with hot chocolate, cant remember if i mentioned this before but hot chocolate is like chloroform to me, give it about 10 minutes and im in bobo land..............

I got back into Calgary and my next job was waiting for me, running dead-head straight into Lethbridge, that will do nicely thank you. I do have to say that my dispatchers have done an excellent bit of dispaching on this trip, i had my next load instructions even before i was empty all the way round, so if any of you are reading this, thanks again.

Before i got back into Lethbridge i was told that i was doing another mentor trip, this time with a lad who most of you will have written to or read about. Mike Nash (English Mike on the forums) is now over here and part of the Big Red Team, its great to team up with people who you have been talking to for a while, im sure it will be a great trip.

Looks like we will be heading East into Beer City (look it up) and from there who knows, Mike has a blog of his own which you might want to take a look at, its called

http://mikesjollyincanada.blogspot.com/

Either click on the above link or find the link in my sidebar.

I gave Mike a quick call when i left calgary just to make sure everything was okay. He was in the Sandman so i thought it would be nice to invite him down for Sunday lunch and we could chat in a more relaxed surroundings.

Everything went great till the next morning he keeled over............

Oops i think we poisoned him 8-)

Anyway i know hes okay now coz we just got off the phone and it looks like were hitting the road tomorrow.

Take only pictures, leave only footprints

I love driving thru Ontario but one thing spoils it, the grafitti on the rocks, why in God's name would anyone want to spoil such a beautiful landscape in their own country.

What i want to show in these pictures is Man's evolution, this is what we call progress.

man has left his mark to identify his territory ever since the day when a caveman called UG discovered that if he shoved his finger up his nose and rumaged around long enough, he would collect enough materials to wipe on the cave wall and stake his territory.

Throughout history people have left signs for others to read long after they have gone, some usefull and some not so useful.

The Inuit nations (you may know them as Eskimos) used to leave little piles of stones in the shape of a person to give directions to others who travel after them. You still see them along the highways and they do look quaint, mostly done these days by vacationers and more often done for fun.

Apparently there is a slightler newer tribe called the idiots who tend to use paint to leave their individual mark that informs us that Clay loves Kristy, and Christina is gay. Not so useful information but unfortunately more permenant.

The photos were taken somewhere between Thunder bay and Dryden in Ontario.

New England (better than the old one)

I wish i had more time to spend in New England but the clock was ticking and of course time is money. I arrived at the customers location late at night, got loaded and parked up in the nearest truckstop for the night, next morning it was hammer down for the border.

Strangely though i was crossing quite a ways east and i had to cross a few lakes. The roads were all small single carriageways so it was pretty slow going but the scenery was out of this world.

New England in the Fall...............

Says it all doesnt it, even if you have never been there it still conjours up visions of lush green forest, little hamlets with clean white building interspersed with vibrant New England colors. The trees just getting their red, gold and ocre coverings.

And crossing the lakes was fantastic, not so much bridges but it was as though the road had been built right across the lakes. Pretty soon the English signs were replaced by French ones as i passed thru into Quebec and the last leg of this particular stage of the journey into Montreal.

Words just dont do it justice so just enjoy the pictures.

For miles he smiles

Okay we left off sat in a TA truckstop in New Jersey, contemplating taking a 53 foot trailer onto the streets of New York City......................

Well it was an early start, i checked the truck over at 04:00 and pointed 2148 East towards the Big Apple. The first thing i noticed was the banter on the radio (CB). Lots of people were calling other people alot of naughty names and it sounded like everyone wanted to kick everyone elses asses. Very nice, i thought, welcome to New York.

So its right what they say about New Yorkers, best be on my guard, especially since i was going into the Bronx.

My first obstacle was the George Washington bridge, 2 levels and more lanes than you could shake a stick at. It was surprisingly easy especially using TomTom although once in the City it was one eye on TomTom, one eye on the road signs. Anyway i trundled towards the toll boothes, paid my $40 and made the crossing. It took me about another 20 mins to get to the Bronx and scooted down the off ramp and into the mayhem.

I tried to follow the truck route but it seemed to be taking me away from where i wanted to be and i dived down a side street, got on course and made my way to the customer. At the customer i paid another $25 to get into the place (this is insane) parked up and went to find the shipping.

Here is the big surprise, everyone was so friendly and helpfull, and soon i was actually laughing and joking with the guys on the deck, and it was about the usual thing, my accent. Most people thought i was Australian and as usual i was greeted with "Throw another shrimp on the barbie".

It seems the only obusive (to each other) people i encountered were the driveres going in and out of the city, it seemed to be the New York drivers against the non-New York drivers.

I was away from there in about 30 mins and dived back onto the Interstate just as the New York rush hour (???) was building up. The trip north was simple enough and pretty soon i was seeing less concrete and more green. Before long i had crossed into Connecticut and into Massachusetts for fuel then up into New Hampshire for my second delivery.

As i pulled into the customer's yard the computer beeped and my next job came thru. I was so pleased it was into Maine and the load was going to Montreal. This was great news as i could add another 4 states to the list, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Maine and Vermont, wow i love New England.

One for the Squaddies

There are a huge number of Brits who's first experience of Canada is thru their Army service. Never did it myself unfortunately and i believe it was mainly for the armoured regiments.

Anyway i regularly drive passed the place so i wandered if any of you recognised any of these pics.

Onwards and Eastwards

it tells you if a beaver is flashing at you

No one came out to say HI

Roadworks, same anywhere

Now thats what i call a long load

At a first glance i thought it said Home Brewing School

Floods in Gary IN

Tonight i dined in New Jersey, in a Travel Centers Of America to be more excact, in a place called Columbia to be completely excact.

I mention it coz the food was great, there was a roast something or other, somethings liver and somethings baked legs (chickens i think) there was 3 types of maccaroni and the mashed potato was very mashed and very potatoey. I love liver anyway so i was happy and there were just enough onions. Personally i think the onion could have been a little more browned but hey, whos being picky.

Anyway heres whats happened so far on this little escapade into the Dirty Side, and no before any of you mucky devils thinks this is a story about lot lizards, the dirty side is CB slang for the East Coast, as opposed to the Shakey Side which is the Pacific Seaboard. Not sure where those names come from, the dirty side could be a reference to the number of lizards...........

With the Shakey side, there are the same number of lot lizards but they are a lot older........

No, stoppitt, that is sick (unless you are into Octaganarian Commercial Company I guess) and please before this post spirals right down into the gutter, dont nobody mention the fact that OCC could take their teeth out............................

Okay, so here i am in New Juysey, oh, isnt that where some guy shoved cotton wool into each cheek and exclaimed "Huh!, you disraspect me, you disrespect my family"

Right seriously now, I am in a TA and i got about 8 hours before i set off again into the Bronx to make this first delivery, its only about an hours drive but i was a bit concerned as this will be the first time ive come off the interstate in NY City. I phoned up the customer this morning to get directions in, this guy n an italian accent answered and exclaimed "You want directions, you wanna piece o'me you douche bag?, you disrespect me, you disrespect my.......................................

Then a spluttering noise like someone choking on a piece of cotton wool.

Actually no he didnt really say or do that, i just made it up but it sounded more interesting than "Come off at ïntersection 5, turn right then left, then left at the lights and we are on the right, see you in the morning"

So thats about it, to summerise, liver & onions, eighty year old lot lizards, douche bags and cotton wool.

Im tired and rambling, heres some pictures to look at.

Good night...................................





Oh hang on, stop, stop, I SAID STOP ALREADY!!!!!............................

I almost forgot, had a phone call off Jim (from Iowa) Gorgone, he read that i was East bound and we met up for lunch at the Flying J in Gary Indianna (just below Chicago for the geographically challenged). Jim it was great to meet up with you again and thanks for the advice on the bronx.

Actually the advice was, "there are lots of low bridges and structures but ignore the signs coz they are usually wrong, and hey, dont worry, it'll be okay".

Thanks Jim i dont know how i would have managed without you.

Only joking Jim, hope we are buddies now and i can get away with saying things like that!!!